Our Little Mystery
I do not and feel like I never will understand this baby. Today was ridiculous. Babies thrive on routine, right? Not this one. I try to do the same things and keep a fairly consistent schedule every day. Some days she sleeps, some days she doesn’t. Today she didn’t. I lost it today. And not because it was the worst day I’ve ever experienced, but because I am exhausted. You know when you’ve been holding it together for so long that when it all comes crashing down it crashes hard? That was today. Every single part of my body is done. The really rotten part is that I can’t be done. I have to get up and do it all again tomorrow. Thankfully I won’t be alone. I am so glad it’s the weekend.
I’m sure it won’t seem so bleak tomorrow, but I sure have a bad attitude about my life. Which is really good. I’m not saying I have a bad life. I am just saying that this period of it is really hard on me. One minute I am fine. I know it’s only temporary. And a minute later and I am crying in a heap on the floor. I look back on parts of today and wish I had them on video because I know I would laugh at myself. Sometimes there is just nothing left to do but cry. And crying really loud when no one is around is very therapeutic. Crying so loud that you make your 2 year old start to cry is probably not the best. That definitely happened today. He came up to me weeping and said, “Don’t cry, mommy.” He’s been saying that a lot lately. He’s going to have to talk to his therapist when he’s older about how much his mother cried when he was little and how he wasted all his sympathy on her and he has none left.
Sorry for all the drama. This blog won’t always be an onslaught of my emotional troubles!
I’m glad you are providing lots of things for them to talk over in therapy. That’s always what I told my kids when they didn’t like what I was doing, “It will give you something to tell your therapist.” I’m so sorry it’s been so rough and I wish we were closer. Hang in there. You are doing a great job in a tough situation.